The Nina Pennington Fan Club & Artistic License
There was a voicemail message from Hollywood on my phone this afternoon. He sounded excited and wanted me to call him back as soon as I got his message. I’ve learned Hollywood is not one to call me...
View ArticleHurting Like the Dickens
“I can’t believe you are holding me to what I promised,” Hollywood is screaming at me on the phone, “I’m a movie producer, I’m not fucking George Washington and I didn’t chop down anyone’s cherry tree....
View ArticleMilking It For What It’s Worth
“Why have you dragged me to the dairy section of Ralph’s?” Hollywood complains, “I don’t recall any scene in your book taking place in a supermarket.” “I want you to look at this milk carton,” I hand...
View ArticleFree Lunch
Hollywood is taking me out to lunch at his new favourite restaurant downtown. “I love this place and I’m sure you will too, especially since you’re always bitching about everyone in the movie business...
View ArticleVoicemail Hell
Today has not started out that well. I called AT&T to try and find out why my new iPhone 5 has so many problems. “Welcome to AT&T. Your call is very important to us,” a cheerful automated voice...
View ArticleThe Wizard of Shit
A guy in a blue FBI windbreaker demands I take off my shoes and belt, and walk through a metal detector while he checks my bag for weapons. The machine beeps and the FBI guy asks if I have any coins...
View ArticleA Christmas Carol
It’s Christmas morning and I got up at 4:00 A.M., not to check under the Christmas tree which I don’t have any more because my dog was convinced it was a new indoor bathroom, but because I had a lot of...
View ArticleApplying for the Pope Job
Pope Nominating Committee Vatican City Dear Sirs, I saw on Monster.com that you have an opening for the Pope position at your company and I would like to submit my application. I think after...
View ArticleHollywood Confidential
The muffled voice on the other end of the phone told me to wear a black rhinestone studded sleeveless Selena Gomez World Tour T-shirt and be at the northeast corner of Sunset Boulevard and Doheny at...
View Articlewww.celebritytrainwreck.net
I’m multitasking. I’m on the couch watching a special must-see episode of Celebrity Rehab while talking on the phone with my bookie, Frankie the Gaspipe. Frankie the Gaspipe is giving me the latest...
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